Part 1

Wow is been the longest 4 months I ever had in my life. Is also been sometime I did not do any posting on my blog. Is not that I do not have anything to write, but there are things that are never meant to be said on that time. If I were to put a word to generally describe this 4 months, it would be 'turbulence'.

First of all thank God for I have nailed my first job. I believe that there are more to come but I have committed to myself that the first offer received will be the one I am going for. I guess it is FCFS(First Come, First Serve) rather than BCFS(Best Come, First Serve). Still ponder about the offer but for mean time this is the one I am going to. Once I accepted this offer, it would be my daily job for at least the next 1 year, not to mention I got fired. Looking forward to start the first step of my career.

2 months back, I did write a post about what is happening in my life. But I removed it due to certain sensitivity issue. Reading back at the post, I see myself full of impatience-ness and anger which I feel so sorry on it. What can I say, the damage is all done and perhaps I am the who have brought the turbulence to myself.

So for now I hope to take this post too voice out something that I do not know how to converse it through my mouth.

To a person:
Sorry for unable to be committed to the relationship. Is just that myself that cannot let go of my past and someone who have been so significant in my life for the past few years. I really did fall in love with you and really do believe things can work out immediately for both of us. But deep inside of me still fail to let go of my past. I thought I am sorry for the pressure I brought to you from your family. Is not your fault but is me to blame for all this. So I hope that we can remained as best friend until things can work out for both of us.

To a person:
I did read your blogs. Sorry for all the damage I put you through. Is not that I choose not to msg you for this time but I was warned by many not to. I thought I can still concern on you without bothering about anything or what people might think. But it is not. It only turns worse. Maybe in your eyes and many that those concern are sympathy-based but deep down inside of me I knew is more than that.I do not care what people think or say because I know my heart very clear. Moreover I never expect you to understand me after all the damages I put you through also. I am not seeking your forgiveness but I just wish to voice out.

To a few persons:
I know hatred is inside you towards me. I can sense that too. Well but I am here to tell you I am not giving a single damn about it. My advice to you is look at yourself first before try to throw shit on me. Ya Mr/Ms Perfect, You know all about relationship, You honored every relationship you have, All you have done is only correct things in relationship. Then good for you. Maybe I do not know you yet or been knowing you for sometime, but if I do know you, try to think back and see that when you did something shit-ty, did I come and mess around with you? WHY SO CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE RIGHTEOUSNESS WHEN YOU YOURSELF DWELLING IN A SINFUL LIFESTYLE? This is my message to you. And please and please and please, do not tell me what to do? Do not come out with phrases like "If you are a man....." or anything towards me. Keep it for yourself.