Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Same yet different.

My flight has been announced delay. I guess it should be some mechanical problems with the plane. Whatever it is, thank God for the discovery. This thing can be fatal if gone through undiscovered.

Well I am still in the terminal. looking out to the glass in front of me, I was reminded the same place I use to be at the last two weeks. Is funny how a same place I used to be and I am now at can be total 2 different feelings and emotions. I still remembered last two weeks when I arrived at the terminal. I was so overwhelming with excitement of reaching at the airport. I do not know where am I heading next and pile up with multi-choices of ways to get to my next 'not-yet-decide-place', yet I am still feeling easy. Everything looks wonderful even with all the thinking I need to do. My luggage was delayed but it does not bother me at all. All I can think of is the joy and peace of coming back to this land.

Now I am here. The same place I use to be. I can't find myself anything to be overwhelmed. My emotions are mixed-up. The mental and physical burden is back now. Nothing in my mind that sounded nice to me. Everything is like a mess. With the delay, I felt worse now. All I can think of now is how to overcome the coming 2months+.

God I pray to you that towards my coming 2months I may find strength in you to carry on. May you pour out the blessing and peace into my heart in everything I do. Thank you Lord.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The greatest gift from my Mom

It is the second Chinese New Year I did not get to celebrate with my Mom. Everytime I see my uncles and aunties sharing and laughing together, it reminds me of her. Is like missing someone in the picture of the family. Still remember how she wait for me back from friends house late at night during Chinese New Year. If anyone in my family found it unpleasant for my late return she will step out and defend for me. She will stay in my room and ask me hows my day, angpow collection good or not and chat up with me the whole night. Now when I come back late during Chinese New Year, everyone is asleep. I guess if I die outside or did make it back home also no one will realize.
"I miss you alot, Mummy for this Chinese New Year".

Today when I was attending my girlfriend's grandma birthday dinner, I can see the enjoyment of her family. Everyone sitting next to their beloved mother and laughing with each other. Her grandma was so happy on the stage accompany by all of her sons, daughters, grandson and granddaughters. During that moment out of sudden my teardrops flowing out from my eye. I am not sad or happy. I just imagine on something that me and my mom cannot share anymore. She will never get to celebrate her birthday anymore with me. "I am sorry Mummy for being unable to give u this moment of joy in your life before".

Today I was reminded by God on the greatest gift I have ever received. Two years back, I was 21st years old. In the cultural of mine, whenever a son or a daughter reaches 21 years-old, parent will give them a necklace or something significant as the sign of reaching maturity and adult. I still remember a moment during my semester break (about two months after my 21st birthday), my mom came and apologized to me because she fail to give me something during my 21st birthday. She cried and said that she is sorry for not making my 21st birthday something special in my life. That time I told her," Is ok. You already gave me the best of everything you had. " Necklace or no necklace you already made my life special. At the end of the conversation I still can sense the sadness in her. Then about two months later, she passed away. The day before moment she passed away, she speak to me through the phone with the last few words, "Dun worry boy, Mummy is ok". Today, my mom has gave me one of the greatest gift that I could ever ask for, a life. The death of her has lead me back to God. My mom has introduced God and Jesus Christ back into my life. She maybe failling in giving me something for my 21st birthday, but she has died to give me everything for the rest of my life. About 8 months after her death, I was baptized. I was blessed and found the true meaning of life. "Mummy, God has promised me that one day we will meet again. For mean time I will keep on growing spritually and this gift you have given to me I will used to bring glory to the God".

*If one I was called by God to step into politics, my manifesto will be bringing glory to God.

What should I do and how should I do it?

Is funny sometime when people come to you telling you what to do and how to do on certain things. The way they put it on is like, if I'm not do it according the way they suggest failure is my only option. Nevertheless thanks for the concern.

It really does not bother me when things come as an advice to me as an alternative of improvement. I always welcome if people want to advise me. But what really make me can't find myself tolerate with, is when people trying to define me using another standard of another person. Is like every thing I'm about to do or I've done is bonded to this "human-made life marking scheme". I admit sometime I'm kinda rebellious in the sense of obeying the rules but to follow another standard by others is a definite rebellion. Just because others have done in this way, it doesn't obligates me to do it the same way. I am who I am and the only person who defines me is my creator, God. If others standard is to be used as the standard, life will be screwed up because people tend to live in the life that was never meant for them. If machines created by human is define uniquely by it purposes, don't you think human, one of the greatest creations by God is also define uniquely?

Why some people so bother about what happen in others life when the his or her is also a mess?

Matthew 7:3-4
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"

There is a story, when a guy AB and a girl CD first start a relationship, many of CD's friends came and warned AB to treat CD nicely, be serious in relationship and all the 'friends-would-say's warning to CD. As time goes by after 4 years, AB and CD still in relationship. But among their friends, many come-and-go relationships have happened. Is not that I am angry or what, but my point is be sure that the same measure you used on others apply to you too. So my advice, do not judged. For we do not know what tomorrow holds but we know who hold tomorrow, God.

Most of people I knew always inquire about how I treat my girlfriend. They sometime so concern about things that I did not do which by right every guy should do to a girl. Anyway this does bother me at all. How I treat her is bounded in our relationship. I do things for her is merely for her, not for anyone to see. I need not to announce everything I'm about to do to show the world how much I love and care for her. I have my own plan and way. It is same as the way I honour God. Few days ago, a friend of mine, ask me "Why I did not see you pray before you eat". Deep inside my heart I have only one answer, I pray to God is for God not for you to see. The same thing applies here. The direction of the heart matter the most. If we live so much on pleasing others, the real essence of relationship is no longer there.

Do not come and tell me what to do. You might have experience in dealing certain relationships, but when it comes to mine, I run my own show in my own way. For my standard is not u but me. Even worst is, some who never in relationship before also try to comment on me. Seriously asking, how good are u in handling relationship? If anyone out there think they are really great, my suggestion come and have a piece of my life then only tell me what to do.

Our life should not be define by others but God himself. Call me crazy or insane in trusting God but I tell you, I am still strong throughout the circumstances of my life till today is because of God.