My First Book, Lance Armstrong

Can't believe that (only)at the age of 25, I completely finished reading up a book. I use to claim to everyone I know on the fact that I am not a discipline person that is strong enough to end up at the last page of a book from the moment I started to flip on the first page. Other than this, my vocabulary-deficiency is another reason why I can't progress with fun in reading a book. Nevertheless, it is not entirely true. Discipline is something that can be cultivated as well as vocab-improving efforts. Not every book single book in this world has the same level of vocab-complexity. Indeed I found out that my vocab-competency is still enable me to understand at least 50% of books in this world(a short research I carried out in various bookstores and book-fairs for the past 3 months). So not-to-able-finish-up-a-book is just an excuse and voila here I am introducing the first ever book I completed the reading of it, "Lance Armstrong : It's Not About the Bike. My Journey Back to Life".

A bit of of background how this book end up in the bookshelf of mine. It was 2011, April 18, two days after  my 24th birthday. This book was a gift from a friend-boss-mentor-housemate of mine named Denis Lim. To be honest that was my only actual gift I received during my 24th birthday. Don't get me wrong, I did received  a very special celebration from my girl(Kahyee) during that year, indeed a very sweet one where she baked me a love-shaped cake and woke me up sharp at 12am 2011 April 16. Let's move on. I still remembered the words Denis spoke to me when he passed the gift, "You remind me of him.". To be honest Denis, that moment when I received it, I was like "Hmm... It must be a book.". It wasn't a disappointment(coz it was literally my only gift during that year) but not much of excitement either (coz I am not so much a reader during that time).

There were few attempts from me to kick-start the book but most of it end up with an unknown status. I think the first few pages of the book I've read up for at least 5 times. Not once out of the 5 times I manage to move on from the first chapter("Before and After") of the book. It was in the middle of the month of June 2012 I picked up the book once again and I read it. This time around things are so different. I read this book before go to bed, long-toilet moment, LRT journey moment, bus journey moment, waiting for someone to come down from office(yeah is u Ng Kah Yee) which took her around 1 hour moment, reached office before bosses arrive moment and many dunno-how-to-mention moment. Honestly speaking, this book will be around me wherever I am during the 1 and a half month duration that I took to finish reading it up. During this time I've learned that discipline can be cultivated through curiosity in an unconscious way.

As the title of the mentioned, this book is a story about a great cyclist named Lance Armstrong.  Lance Armstrong is an American road racing cyclist. He was notable as one of the greatest cyclist from a record of winning the Tour de France for 7 times. Can't really go deep about his cycling achievement coz this book is not much about that. If I not mistaken when I finished read this book, it only mentioned two times consecutively he won the Tour de France. I never really know much about Lance Armstrong besides hearing his name in Euro Sport News portal when I was in secondary school. So what I am reading from this book?

This book summarizes Lance's story from a kid to the point he turned out to be a professional cyclist. He was raised in a single mother family. His mother re-married again during his teenager time(this is how he gained his current last name Armstrong from) which ended up in a divorce. A rebellious kid at younger age which soon discover himself has certain biological advantage in doing sports. At the moment he was at the high of his career and yet growing, he was diagnosed with a testicular cancer. During this part of the story, it was a "pain" to my reading as it specified out what cancer patient have to undergo in the process of treating the disease. The word chemotherapy has never been so hard to me before I read up this book. The story moves on to the part when he has completed his treatment and how struggle for him to come back to compete again  with the rest of the world. I still remembered there is a part where he quit on his comeback to cycling when he was at Paris. What worse he cause a girl named Kristin to give up her career in US to follow him to Paris only to realize that he is quitting after a few attempts in Paris to come back to US. The story also touches the part on how the business side has turned down on him due to his illness. Sponsors taking advantage of his condition to cut off the contract or reduce their financial contribution. The climax of the story I shall say is the part when he started to gain back his momentum in both physical and mental condition. The way the author portrayed out Lance's training session really "sweat myself" out. Is kind of feeling when after I finished my football, futsal, badminton or running activities where I feel the satisfaction of sweating and rapid heart beating. At the end, Lance managed to win again but not much as a single race winner but as a complete tour winner.

This book has inspired me in a lot of way. Firstly is about discipline. Is not much about his story but is more about the time I picked up this book and read it. But what I learned the most from this man is about pain and not giving up. One of my favorite quotes from him that I found in this book is "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, it lasts forever." What this book has taught me also is how our perspective can help us to turn things in better way which came from this quote of him, "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." In a way this quote is so true to me because pain is real because it was embedded in our biological system but suffering is a subjective matter. In the time when he was undergoing his chemotherapy session, the pain is so real to him, but he chose to view as a process of getting better not much of process of suffering. I got to admit that this guy is a huge inspiration behind the reason I started to do running. Whenever  in running where I felt like I am tired, Mr Lance Armstrong name will come into my mind (of coz his name still can't keep me running forever due to my biological constraint) to keep me mentally strong. One of his advice about doing sports such as running and cycling is about the pain we endured. Is always about the pain that we get coz if pain is something we don't want then is better we just sit down taking a restful moment. But pain makes us feel the world again.

"There is no need to answer to those losers, coz you are already a winner Mr Armstrong. Records can be wiped-off but never on what you have inspired me and others.", Ray Chow Facebook 2012 , on Lance Armstrong decision not fight doping charges.

Blindness Wisdom

It all started on last Wednesday morning when I was in the bus, travelling from my home to the place of work. In that morning, I saw a blind man waving for a bus from far. He just kept waving and waving as he never knew when the right bus is arriving. Every single bus that passes by will stop by him and tell him the details of the bus. Eventually he boarded into the same bus that I am in it. For a moment, I thought of that situation and asked myself that, if my life is hard how about the life these people ? If with a vision, active senses, hands and legs, I still call myself struggling in my daily life, what is the word for these people who have to move around during their daily life?

Two days later, Friday, on my way heading the bus that I supposed to board to get me home, I saw another blind man came down from a bus in the middle of the bus rail. The moment he stepped down from the bus, he started to feel the surrounding using his white cane as this the way how the blinded "see" the right direction. Spontaneously I went towards him and grab him by the hand and asked him "Where are you going ?". Then he answered "Pasar Seni LRT station." I took a glimpse at the way heading to the LRT station. Crowded, narrow and dangerous as the current building was under construction for the new MRT project. Only small wooden pass way was built to connect the train station with the bus stop. Is hard for me to describe here, but I can assure you guys that this is not the kind of so called "integrated stations" coordination that you guys expect to see in a developed city. So I've decided to guide the blind guy to the train station.

Another two days later, here comes Sunday. After such a long time never attended Sunday service in church, I finally attended my first Sunday service in the year 2012. This commitment is one of my new year resolution. So as like my previous Sunday mornings in church, usually the worship team will be preparing on the stage to lead the worship. At first, I did not realize anything special, but as the stage team is rehearsing it started to catch my attention. I came to realize that, today the worship will be lead by a group of fellowship called Agape. What so special about this fellowship was that from the singers and to the rest of the band, they all are blind. Throughout the worship session, they really amazed. They put out a great singing coordination as they knew when to sing which verse, the drummer give out a great beat, the bassist and guitarist can pluck and strum so perfectly, and the pianist played well. So I start to ponder on something.

As I look back at my life, though is not perfect but at least I am fortunate enough to see. Our daily struggle may be hard on us sometime but for them is even harder. With eye I also feel troubled how about them? Yet they choose to move on and make use on other abilities that given to them. As what mentioned by Jesus Christ in one of his parables in Matthew(25: 28-29) we are ought to grow with the talents given to us.

But does that mean God being tough on those people who are blind or handicapped? Certainly no. I still believe God loves every creation created by Him. Is just that God has different purpose on different person. Who we are and what we have always come with a reason and divine purpose as long as we believe in Him. Another thing is that, for all the senses we have, we are always subject to sin and vulnerable towards temptation. But to them, God choose to close one of the path in their life that might lead them to destruction. Is hard sometime to accept this message but try think about the time when we are fasting, ask yourself where you rather wanna be, an empty and restful place or a place where foods are everywhere? Yes exposure do make us wise but it also tempted us with devilish and selfish acts. By no mean, that God think that they are weak and not strong enough. God always knew these wonderful children of Him are stronger than they ever think and thats why He put them together with us in the same challenging world with something less on their side.

Ok But don't Over

Argue but don't angry

Bid but don't bribe

Count but don't cheat

Drink but don't drunk

Expand but don't exploit

Faint but don't fake

Gain but don't greed

Help but don't hate

Joke but don't jerk

Love but don't lust

Own but don't owe

Open but don't offend

Plan but don't predict

Question but don't quarrel

Run but don't rush

Save but don't steal

Teach but don't tease

Cukup sudah........

Sampai sini sahaja perjuanganku,
Cukup sudah laungan suara hatiku,
Tiada ertinya untuk aku terus berdegil dalam pergelutan maya ini,
Yang perlu difahamkan, telah pun dijelaskan,
Yang perlu ditujukan, telah pun dikhabarkan,
Apa lagi yang perlu dibuktikan lagi?
Tahap kecerdikan bukan lagi penghalang pengetahuan,
Tetapi kedegilanmu-lah yang menutup mindamu,
Namun segalanya tidak akan lagi menjadi duri di dalam dagingku,
Kerana aku telah menyedari kebenaran yang sebenarnya,
Iaitu kebenaran Tuhan.

Di situ kamu mengakui keagungan Tuhan Maha pencipta dunia,
Di sini kamu menjerit menuntut hak milik kamu ke atas tanah ini,
Adakah tanah ini bukan sebahagian daripada dunia yang dicipta Tuhan?
Di situ kamu menuntut ilmu bahawa manusia adalah sama di mata Tuhan,
Di sini kamu mengangkat tinggi seseorang, dan memijak rendah seseorang,
Adakah tinggi dan rendah itu pengertian sama di mata Tuhan?
Di manakah kebenaran di sebalik pengetahuan sucimu?
Diberinya mata untuk melihat,
Diberinya telinga untuk mendengar,
Diberinya minda untuk berfikir,
Namun,
Dibutakan pula matanya,
Dipekakan pula telinganya,
Dibantutkan pula mindanya.

Hanya satu identiti kita,
Iaitu manusia.
Hanya satu kebenaran kita,
Iaitu makluk ciptaan Tuhan.
Dan hanyalah satu kelebihan kita,
Iaitu dicintai Tuhan.
Kepentingan bukan lagi berasaskan
kepada siapa yang lahir di sini dan siapa yang datang ke sini.
Kepentingan itu seharusnya ditujukan
kepada siapa yang terabai dan siapa yang serba kekurangan.
Mengapa kamu masih sibuk menuntut kebenaran daripada manusia,
sedangkan kebenaran itu hanyalah datang daripada Tuhan?
Tidak akan lagi aku peduli akan segala tindak-tandukmu.
Tidak akan lagi aku memaki terhadap segala kesalahanmu.
Fokusku hanya padamu Tuhan.

Terima Kasih, Tuhan Yesus kerana membuka mindaku.
Di kala aku menghadapi kesukaran,
anda mengingatkan aku kesukaran manusia lain.
Di kala aku sedih akan kejadian yang meimpa terhadapku,
anda mengingatkan aku kesedihan yang turut menimpa terhadap manusia lain.
Di kala aku kecewa dengan kekurangku,
anda mengingatkan aku kekekurangan yang dihadapi manusia lain.
Ingatan anda bukan untuk aku membuat perbandingan, tetapi
untuk aku mencari hikmah di sebalik kesukaran,
untuk aku belajar menerima kejadian hidup,
untuk aku sedar akan kelebihanku.
Yang terindah,
Di kala aku melakukan kesalahan di matamu,
anda tetap memaafkan aku dan menerima aku semula.
Andalah Tuhan ku.
Amen

Hypocrites........

I was so eager to go to Adam Lambert concert but I was disallowed financially. Then I came across a news that a group of "so called righteous Malaysian" wanna protest against the concert to be carried out. When I first saw this news the first thing came out from my mouth is, "What da hell, Again?...". I do not know whether is the same group of people or not, but to date, there are at least 5 incidents of protest to called off concerts in Malaysia involved name such as Avril Lavigne, Beyonce and Mariah Carey.

One of the Malaysia political party has once again launched a protest against an international singer who is coming to perform in Malaysia. This time is Adam Lambert. First of all, congratulation to the authority that allowed this protest to happen because you guys just showed the world that is ok for Indonesian to protest against Malaysia government and burned Jalur Gemilang. Secondly, you guys just showed the world that this is the way the people welcome international visitor. I do not know what will be improved from this but one thing for sure, Malaysia ranking on the "Most Ridiculous Country" chart is improved.

This party protest claimed that Adam Lambert is a gay icon that might bring negativity to the nation. So they determine to stop him from stepping into this country. Let me make this clear first. I am not a person who agree with gay or lesbian either. But my concern here now is that, is it the issue here is really about gay? As far as I know, this party in the past few years is having coalition with a few opposition political parties as their political strategy to fight against the ruling party. One of the party that they are working with is lead by a man who is currently being charged in the court of sodomizing another man. And they are ok with it? Let me make it clear for you, if a man is sodomizing another man, he is definitely a gay. But a gay will not necessary sodomize another man. So what part of gay that you protesters do not understand? As I said, the issue is not about the gay. Is just that these people wanna gain attention of the country to know they are really concern about the nation. Gay is never right in the law of nature. But at least gay people love will love their children(if they can have one). The gay won't do anything to hurt their children, and most importantly, the gay will never rape their own children.

As I said these people really prefer to waste their time holding some banners to protest rather than really go and cultivate their own people with more religious knowledge and faith of good behaviors. If Adam Lambert really managed to turn you people to gay, is also because of you people lack of spiritual values. To really know how prosper are you in spiritual and moral values is by overcome the
temptation, not denying it.

Let me give you people that claimed yourself "spiritual righteous " a point to ponder. In a case of two men who want to resist the temptation of gluttony. A man called 'A' is put in a room with no food or anything that can be consumed on. Another man called 'B' is put in another room which is packed with a lot of stuff that can be ate and consumed on. Both of them manage to resist the temptation by not eating anything in few days. But bear in mind 'A' is confined from food, and 'B' is exposed to a lot of foods. 'A' managed to resist the temptation is logically acceptable because even if he want to eat, there is nothing that can be ate. But for 'B', the success of overcoming temptation is the true success because even though he can eat the foods, he chose not to do it. This is because he hold strong to his spiritual objectives and discipline. Situation of 'A' represent the case of denying the temptation and 'B' is the case of overcoming temptation. With the wisdom and right mind of you that was given to you by God please judge yourself which of 'A' or 'B' has the true value of spiritual.

"A thief can live as holy as a priest if he is living in a world where there is nothing is worth to be stolen. But is the way of holiness that God wants from the people?"
Ray-2010-

Their Brand, Their Court, Our People

Seriously I do not why Proton want to prevent 1Malaysia F1 Team from using the name Team Lotus. Let us put aside about the legal right first. Both seems to have right of it and it will be decided by UK court.

Proton as we know belongs to the government. And now the government is promoting the cultural of motor sport. Well why have to bring all the disputes to each other about the naming right.

Perhaps we as public will look at this matter in a very simple way. Tony Fernandes manage to turn Air Asia into a global brand. With financial crisis arise and yet to maintain low cost services, Air Asia still making profit.
How about Proton? In the world do people really talk about Proton car? Well if it yes, I guess condemning is also a way of talking. And many of us knew that how badly Proton has performed before where the government has to use the People money to support Proton.

So judge yourself who should have the right on Lotus. And most importantly what is the point of having it without making use of it for greater good.

Perompak dan pencuri

Banyak yang telah diperkatakan mengenai sikap generasi kini yang yang tidak mengerti erti kemerdekaan. Secara peribadi saya juga berpendapat sedemikian. Saya bukanlah seorang saksi mahupun mangsa bagi perkara ini tetapi saya juga merupakan salah seorang "pesalah-pesalah" yang dimaksudkan. Keseriusan "kesalahan" saya adalah sehingga ke tahap di mana sambutan Kemerdekaan bagi saya hanyalah cuti rehat yang diberikan oleh pihak kerajaan. Pemimpin-pemimpin negara juga sering berharap sambutan Kemerdekaan pada setiap tahun dapat membawa kesedaran dan penghargaan kepada rakyatnya. Tahun 2010 sememangnya ada membawa perbezaan baru terhadap pandangan saya terhadap sambutan Kemerdakaan. Perbezaannya, saya sekarang mempunyai dua cuti rehat bagi sambutan Kemerdekaan. Saya sudah menyedari bahawa cuti sehari sememangnya tidak mecukupi dan mengahargai inisiatif kerajaan mewujudkan satu hari lagi cuti rehat dalam kalendar tahunan. Tahniah kepada pemimpin-pemimpin negara kita yang akhirnya berjaya mempupuk erti baru bagi sambutan Kemerdekaan tahun 2010.

Sering saya bertanyakan kepada sendiri mengapa saya tidak menghargai akan kemerdekaan dan kebebasan yang dapat dinikmati di dalam tanah air ini?

Tetapi....
adakah kita merdeka sekarang?

Kalau penjajah dulu bertindak mengeksploitasi negara ini demi kepentingan sendiri. Sekarang kita dapat lihat bagaimana kerajaan buatan kita sendiri yang terjebak dalam gejala rasuah mahupun tindakan-tindakan yang membelakangi nilai-nilai keagamaan, moral dan etika.

Memang adanya perbezaan antara penjajah dulu-dulu dan kerajaan negara kita pada hari ini. Perbezaannya adalah seumpama beza antara perompak dan pencuri. Dua sama hina cuma berbeza dari konteks kerja hina yang dilakukannya. "Perompak" dulu sememangnya secara terus terang merampas kekayaan orang demi kepentingan sendiri. "Pencuri" sekarang melakukan kerja-kerja kotor membelakangi orang demi kepentingan sendiri.

Jadi, adakah kita rakyat sendiri yang tidak tahu menghargai kemerdekaan, ataupun kerajaan sediri yang gagal mewujudkan suasana kemerdekaan di negara kita?

Independence does not mean to govern our own country, but to govern the country wholeheartedly and righteously. -Ray 2010-

Just wanna be.......

Well I guess I just wanna be single for the time being. Stay focus in my life and set my sight straight on things I wanna to achieve in both of of my spiritual values and career.

Part 1

Wow is been the longest 4 months I ever had in my life. Is also been sometime I did not do any posting on my blog. Is not that I do not have anything to write, but there are things that are never meant to be said on that time. If I were to put a word to generally describe this 4 months, it would be 'turbulence'.

First of all thank God for I have nailed my first job. I believe that there are more to come but I have committed to myself that the first offer received will be the one I am going for. I guess it is FCFS(First Come, First Serve) rather than BCFS(Best Come, First Serve). Still ponder about the offer but for mean time this is the one I am going to. Once I accepted this offer, it would be my daily job for at least the next 1 year, not to mention I got fired. Looking forward to start the first step of my career.

2 months back, I did write a post about what is happening in my life. But I removed it due to certain sensitivity issue. Reading back at the post, I see myself full of impatience-ness and anger which I feel so sorry on it. What can I say, the damage is all done and perhaps I am the who have brought the turbulence to myself.

So for now I hope to take this post too voice out something that I do not know how to converse it through my mouth.

To a person:
Sorry for unable to be committed to the relationship. Is just that myself that cannot let go of my past and someone who have been so significant in my life for the past few years. I really did fall in love with you and really do believe things can work out immediately for both of us. But deep inside of me still fail to let go of my past. I thought I am sorry for the pressure I brought to you from your family. Is not your fault but is me to blame for all this. So I hope that we can remained as best friend until things can work out for both of us.

To a person:
I did read your blogs. Sorry for all the damage I put you through. Is not that I choose not to msg you for this time but I was warned by many not to. I thought I can still concern on you without bothering about anything or what people might think. But it is not. It only turns worse. Maybe in your eyes and many that those concern are sympathy-based but deep down inside of me I knew is more than that.I do not care what people think or say because I know my heart very clear. Moreover I never expect you to understand me after all the damages I put you through also. I am not seeking your forgiveness but I just wish to voice out.

To a few persons:
I know hatred is inside you towards me. I can sense that too. Well but I am here to tell you I am not giving a single damn about it. My advice to you is look at yourself first before try to throw shit on me. Ya Mr/Ms Perfect, You know all about relationship, You honored every relationship you have, All you have done is only correct things in relationship. Then good for you. Maybe I do not know you yet or been knowing you for sometime, but if I do know you, try to think back and see that when you did something shit-ty, did I come and mess around with you? WHY SO CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE RIGHTEOUSNESS WHEN YOU YOURSELF DWELLING IN A SINFUL LIFESTYLE? This is my message to you. And please and please and please, do not tell me what to do? Do not come out with phrases like "If you are a man....." or anything towards me. Keep it for yourself.

Poem of pray

How could I say you do not understand me Lord,
When you have came to this world before,
Not for a fame,
But as a man.

People may laugh when I am trusting in you Lord,
But Trusting in You Lord does not make me crazy,
Trusting in You Lord makes my life easy.

When life is not going my way, I will say,
"Without You by my side Lord, life may seems tough,
but with You by my side Lord, I will go through it with a laugh."

When I pray to you Lord for something,
Praying to you Lord does not simplify it,
but praying to you Lord, You multiply it.

How kind are you Lord,
I pray for your mercy
But what I get from you is the glory.

In life,
There is always a trouble,
But remember the blessing is double.

How great are you Lord,
The sadness of the world may because of you dying on the cross,
But the joy of the world also came from you dying on the cross, Lord.

I was created because,
I was not needed by you Lord,
But I was wanted by you Lord.

Lord I am sorry, Lord
You gave me the strength of a hardworking man,
You gave me the wisdom of a wise man,
But I fail just being a man to you.

I do not want to become holy by doing everything right to you Lord,
But I want to become sorry for everything that I've done wrong to you Lord.

May my talent be used for you Lord,
May my focus be on you,Lord.

Life without you Lord, is a mess,
Life with you Lord, is a bless.

Lord thank you for being in my life for always.
This is the poem of pray,
by me, Ray.

Ray 2010.

"Master" and "Guest" in Malaysia

"You do not come to our place and question our rights. These "special" rights are reserved for us. You are foreigner. We already tolerate enough to let you stay and have a life here."

From the statement above, this is what I believe the opinion behind the nation of this country before the independence. Indeed it is true that, as a "guest" there is no right to interrogate the rights of the "master". The "master" is already more than considerate to allow the "guest" to be with them. The "guest" should be thankful enough for the fact that the "master" allows sharing certain of his belongings. Yet the "master" reserves the right on certain things and "guest" is not allow to question because it is the prerogative of "master". I get the whole idea behind this and it does make sense.

I found out very funny, after 52 years of independence, there are still some individuals who came and warn me about the metaphor of the "master and guest". The metaphor of this of coz still make sense but I believe the context behind the "master" and "guest" are already changed. Are the "guest" still the guest?

Let me put it in this way. When the first time you brought a girl or a guy back to your family, this person will be considered as guest. But after a relationship is built and you marry this person, will this person still be considered as the guest of your family? Most importantly, do the children from the marriage of you and this person will also be considered as a guest to your family?

Though the Chinese and Indians are not origin from this place according to the nation history, but things are different now. The children or the next generation of these two races are born and raised up here in this nation. So why these children are still be labeled as the "foreigner" in country they were born? These children obviously are not belong to the India or China. I personally felt so ridiculed by the fact that I am still labeled as the "foreigner" in my own country. I was born and raised in this country. Never single step of mine is out of this country. I can speak, write and read in Bahasa Malaysia better than most of the people today and even better than my own mother tongue. Yet I am still be denied by many of the rights in my own country.

In my opinion, if the government want to make 1Malaysia a reality, they should start to treat everyone as the same. Indeed we all are the same because culturally we are born and raised in the same environment. The problem is not the people dis-united but is the government that dis-unite the people by treating them differently.

16/04 for year 2010

Today is my birthday. Another 16/04 in my life calendar. Wow, I am 23 dy. A figure that represent the duration of how long I already on this earth. However I would like to point out that this 16/04 for 2010 is kinda different for me. Why is it different?


Ever since I was born, 16/04 for me is a day where I get to receive gift from those around me. Other than this, is also a day where I get a reason to invite friends to home and have party. Well our party is not like those we watched in western movies, but more to like bbq, buffet stye or stemboat party. The focus is on the food and the gift. Of coz there are a lot of fun too but all is just the physical fun. I do not care who came or present, as long got people gather around and buy me some gift I am Happy dy. So childish me. Until I first came to university, the fun that all this while I thought was fun is fading away. I dun get to do party anymore, no more a stack a gift waiting to be unwrapped by me. Thanks to all my friends in university that keep the spirit of 16/04 celebration in my university life.


Things however went from bad to worse. My mom passed away in the year 2008. The departure of her in my life me had given me a reason to forget my entire life of 16/04 celebration. I told myself that, the person that brought me to this life is no longer here, so what's the point of celebrating it anymore? A person that works so hard every year during 16/04 just to make sure I am happy during 16/04 is already gone, so I guess for the coming 16/04 of every year, I won't be happy anymore. During my 16/04 - 2009 birthday, I rejected my friends’s invitation to celebrate with me. No matter how I still manage to have a small celebration during that day but is all with a hardened heart. The spirit and excitement of 16/04 was no longer in me. That was the moment when I lost all the sense of 16/04 in me. I started to look at 16/04 as just another day in the calendar.


However, during the year 2009 also, is the year I came to know a wonderful "person" named Jesus Christ. I also declared to accept him as a guardian in my life during year 2009. The day was 26th April if I am not mistaken. The journey with him in my life indeed has transformed a lot of things in my life. What I would like to share here today is the way of him re-affirms me the spirit of 16/04. I still remembered at the beginning of year 2010, I went to an island trip organized by my church. During that time, Chee Ho is doing some sharing. He got once mentioned something about the plan of God on someone even before he or she was born. He said that when we were about to be created to come to this world, God will spend His time writing about our life, choosing our parents, describe our physical body and many things else about us accurately and precisely. We were on God's mind and God does not take the process of creating or even the motive of creating us for granted. We were not made by left-over but as an all-over. So the day when we were born, was actually the day God put us into reality. So my perception towards 16/04 has been re-established and re-spiritualized. I do not know why, but it must be some reasons why God choose this day to start our life. No matter what's the reason is, it is still a reason to celebrate. Here I am now, on my 23rd 16/04 in 2010 with Christ in me.


There are many reasons why the 16/04 for 2010 is so special to me. Partially is because I have finished my final year project and presented it. The burden that already stayed in my heart for 1 year is officially been taken off on the day before 16/04. I believe that this is also a part of God's plan on how He wants to take this year 16/04 as something to celebrate on. If you guys know me, you should know how this final year project has depressed me. But with God's grace is all over. 16/04/2010 I will never forget. Why? The main reason is because, today I realized that there are so many people that really care and concern on me. God might have taken away a person that care so much about 16/04 for me in my life, but now He puts even more persons that care so much about 16/04 for me. I never felt so deeply touched by those around me, till this year 16/04 celebration. This is the first time I ever get to value the gift of sincerity, the gift of caring, the gift of warmness and the most valuable one, the gift of the heart from all my friends. I now realized that 16/04 is not just a day of receiving thingy or stuffy gift but most importantly is the day I was appreciated being a creation that God has placed me in the life of those around me. Here am I now in the 16/04 for the year 2010. I would like share the one day journey of my 16/04 here and personally say thanks to everyone that make this year 16/04 so wonderful to me.


I woke up at 11 something. That time my heart was so free. It was the first time ever in this semester I woke up without having FYP in my head. I suppose to have my industrial training briefing on 12pm but it was called off. Then I was invited by my roommate to 1B to celebrate with me. So he fetched me out and we went to Old-Town Kopitiam. Thank you James, Ah Bing and Francisca for the great opening of my day. Thank you for the cake and the gift from you guys. I love the cheesecake and the shirt given by you guys. Thank you ah, James, Bing and Francisca.


After that, I met up with my course mates, Siva, Ravi, Kavitha, Hema, Mages and Puvanna We gathered up at Hong Kong Recipe Restaurant. We have some chit-chat and then went for a movie. We even went to do some shopping to help someone on someone which I would not share here due to some undisclosed matter. Siva you know what I mean, LOL. However I would like to say thank to everyone of you for being with me throughout the day. Thank you for the drink, the movie and of coz the special “Arsenal” gift from you gals. I really like that gift. Thank you ah, Siva, Ravi, Kavitha, Hema, Mages and Puvanna for all the great time spent. So glad to have time to hang out with you guys before we graduate from our study here.


After the movie, I joined Kam Siang, Ah Chiu and Ah Tang to play pool. I personally want to say sorry to them because I could not spend more time with them though they are eager to celebrate with me. Bro’s just wanna say sorry for not being spend much time with you guys but I know the heart of you guys. Trust me, I felt it and it is enough to touch my heart even we manage to spend only one hour plus together. Thank you ah KamSiang@Maumin, Ah Chiu, Ah Tang and also to Kevin and Kar Ooi for the wishes.


At 6.30pm, Wai Wai came and fetched me from 1B. Together with all my EBS group mates, Vivien, Wendy, Eunice and Nicole, we went to a place somewhere in Sembulan to have dinner. Meeting us there were Kok Fung, Andrew, Stephanie, Sheren, Yong Guan and Joreen. Then Chee Ho who was just arrived KK from Sandakan joined us too. We have a great time here, taking pictures and of coz the official celebration of cake cutting together. From the bottom of my heart I would like to say thank you to you guys for taking me out somewhere nice and being together with me for the celebration. Thank you for the cake and everything. With the vocabulary level I am, really can’t express how much I appreciate it. Thank you ah Chee Ho, Wai Wai, Joreen, Kok Fung, Stephanie, Andrew, Yong Guan, Sheren, Vivien, Wendy, Eunice, and Nicole. And of coz to the official cake of my 16/04 for year 2010.


Then we went for another movie before we went back to our respective place. I would like to take this chance personally say thanks to Chee Ho, Wai Wai, Vivien, Wendy, Eunice and Nicole for the gift. For Nicole, thanks for the card too. Your message I will bear in mind. Thanks to everyone of you. Thank you Emmanuel Church.


Last but not least I would like to say a million thank you for every wishes from everyone out there thru SMS, Facebook and phone call to me. Thank you for making this year 16/04 so special to me. Thank you Lord Jesus for everyting. And Lord, I pray that your blessing will come upon to everyone around me.



The end of 16/04 for year 2010.

Same yet different.

My flight has been announced delay. I guess it should be some mechanical problems with the plane. Whatever it is, thank God for the discovery. This thing can be fatal if gone through undiscovered.

Well I am still in the terminal. looking out to the glass in front of me, I was reminded the same place I use to be at the last two weeks. Is funny how a same place I used to be and I am now at can be total 2 different feelings and emotions. I still remembered last two weeks when I arrived at the terminal. I was so overwhelming with excitement of reaching at the airport. I do not know where am I heading next and pile up with multi-choices of ways to get to my next 'not-yet-decide-place', yet I am still feeling easy. Everything looks wonderful even with all the thinking I need to do. My luggage was delayed but it does not bother me at all. All I can think of is the joy and peace of coming back to this land.

Now I am here. The same place I use to be. I can't find myself anything to be overwhelmed. My emotions are mixed-up. The mental and physical burden is back now. Nothing in my mind that sounded nice to me. Everything is like a mess. With the delay, I felt worse now. All I can think of now is how to overcome the coming 2months+.

God I pray to you that towards my coming 2months I may find strength in you to carry on. May you pour out the blessing and peace into my heart in everything I do. Thank you Lord.

The greatest gift from my Mom

It is the second Chinese New Year I did not get to celebrate with my Mom. Everytime I see my uncles and aunties sharing and laughing together, it reminds me of her. Is like missing someone in the picture of the family. Still remember how she wait for me back from friends house late at night during Chinese New Year. If anyone in my family found it unpleasant for my late return she will step out and defend for me. She will stay in my room and ask me hows my day, angpow collection good or not and chat up with me the whole night. Now when I come back late during Chinese New Year, everyone is asleep. I guess if I die outside or did make it back home also no one will realize.
"I miss you alot, Mummy for this Chinese New Year".

Today when I was attending my girlfriend's grandma birthday dinner, I can see the enjoyment of her family. Everyone sitting next to their beloved mother and laughing with each other. Her grandma was so happy on the stage accompany by all of her sons, daughters, grandson and granddaughters. During that moment out of sudden my teardrops flowing out from my eye. I am not sad or happy. I just imagine on something that me and my mom cannot share anymore. She will never get to celebrate her birthday anymore with me. "I am sorry Mummy for being unable to give u this moment of joy in your life before".

Today I was reminded by God on the greatest gift I have ever received. Two years back, I was 21st years old. In the cultural of mine, whenever a son or a daughter reaches 21 years-old, parent will give them a necklace or something significant as the sign of reaching maturity and adult. I still remember a moment during my semester break (about two months after my 21st birthday), my mom came and apologized to me because she fail to give me something during my 21st birthday. She cried and said that she is sorry for not making my 21st birthday something special in my life. That time I told her," Is ok. You already gave me the best of everything you had. " Necklace or no necklace you already made my life special. At the end of the conversation I still can sense the sadness in her. Then about two months later, she passed away. The day before moment she passed away, she speak to me through the phone with the last few words, "Dun worry boy, Mummy is ok". Today, my mom has gave me one of the greatest gift that I could ever ask for, a life. The death of her has lead me back to God. My mom has introduced God and Jesus Christ back into my life. She maybe failling in giving me something for my 21st birthday, but she has died to give me everything for the rest of my life. About 8 months after her death, I was baptized. I was blessed and found the true meaning of life. "Mummy, God has promised me that one day we will meet again. For mean time I will keep on growing spritually and this gift you have given to me I will used to bring glory to the God".

*If one I was called by God to step into politics, my manifesto will be bringing glory to God.

What should I do and how should I do it?

Is funny sometime when people come to you telling you what to do and how to do on certain things. The way they put it on is like, if I'm not do it according the way they suggest failure is my only option. Nevertheless thanks for the concern.

It really does not bother me when things come as an advice to me as an alternative of improvement. I always welcome if people want to advise me. But what really make me can't find myself tolerate with, is when people trying to define me using another standard of another person. Is like every thing I'm about to do or I've done is bonded to this "human-made life marking scheme". I admit sometime I'm kinda rebellious in the sense of obeying the rules but to follow another standard by others is a definite rebellion. Just because others have done in this way, it doesn't obligates me to do it the same way. I am who I am and the only person who defines me is my creator, God. If others standard is to be used as the standard, life will be screwed up because people tend to live in the life that was never meant for them. If machines created by human is define uniquely by it purposes, don't you think human, one of the greatest creations by God is also define uniquely?

Why some people so bother about what happen in others life when the his or her is also a mess?

Matthew 7:3-4
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"

There is a story, when a guy AB and a girl CD first start a relationship, many of CD's friends came and warned AB to treat CD nicely, be serious in relationship and all the 'friends-would-say's warning to CD. As time goes by after 4 years, AB and CD still in relationship. But among their friends, many come-and-go relationships have happened. Is not that I am angry or what, but my point is be sure that the same measure you used on others apply to you too. So my advice, do not judged. For we do not know what tomorrow holds but we know who hold tomorrow, God.

Most of people I knew always inquire about how I treat my girlfriend. They sometime so concern about things that I did not do which by right every guy should do to a girl. Anyway this does bother me at all. How I treat her is bounded in our relationship. I do things for her is merely for her, not for anyone to see. I need not to announce everything I'm about to do to show the world how much I love and care for her. I have my own plan and way. It is same as the way I honour God. Few days ago, a friend of mine, ask me "Why I did not see you pray before you eat". Deep inside my heart I have only one answer, I pray to God is for God not for you to see. The same thing applies here. The direction of the heart matter the most. If we live so much on pleasing others, the real essence of relationship is no longer there.

Do not come and tell me what to do. You might have experience in dealing certain relationships, but when it comes to mine, I run my own show in my own way. For my standard is not u but me. Even worst is, some who never in relationship before also try to comment on me. Seriously asking, how good are u in handling relationship? If anyone out there think they are really great, my suggestion come and have a piece of my life then only tell me what to do.

Our life should not be define by others but God himself. Call me crazy or insane in trusting God but I tell you, I am still strong throughout the circumstances of my life till today is because of God.

The word "Ayah". I love this joke

A man came home from work and his children ran to him and called out ‘Ayah! Ayah!’.

His neighbor got very upset and said to him, “Can you please tell your children not to call you ‘Ayah’?”

The man asked, “Why?”

The neighbor retorted, “Because my children call me ’Ayah’ too. They might get confused and mistake you to be their father.”

Then the man told his neighbour, are you not ashamed to say that your children do not know who is their 'Ayah'. So you are saying by using the word 'Ayah' ,your children will call me ayah too without knowing who is their father?

The neighbour said yes,only my children should use the word 'Ayah'.

The man said, then there is something wrong in what you are teaching your children.They are not sure and do not know who their 'Ayah' is !!

Alone, Lonely, and Loneliness???

“Ray why you alone?”, “Why so lonely Raymond?”, “Do you know that you looks very lonely, Raymond”. Almost everywhere I went, I cannot help myself being asked by people around me for being lonely and alone sometime. Now I am staying in the campus hostel. Most of my friends are now at their respective hometown having their holiday. For some are staying outside together. My roommates himself also packed with activities and seldom see him in room. Really can sense the scent of loneliness around me now. Am I really a loner? I’ve been pondering on this matter also. Is not that I am not happy or sad, but of coz being lonely is not something I really enjoy.

So when I start pondering about why I am such a loner, I begin to look back at my life. Ever since I was born, I lived with my mother. I stayed under a same house with my mother, younger brother, and both my grandpa and grandma (parents of my mother). I only see my father once in a year because he works in Sabah. Things stay the same until the death of my grandpa. After he passed away, my grandma moves to KL and stays with my uncle. My grandpa passed away when I was 14. From that moment onwards, my home left only my mother, my brother and me. My mom worked as a nurse in private clinic. She works from morning till night. I only get to see her during night time. My brother and I have different school sessions. Whenever I am in the morning session, he will be in the afternoon session. So every day in my life, there is an interval of time myself being alone. Most of the time, I have to settle my own lunch and stayed alone in house. This is when I started to have loneliness in my life. I still remembered when I was form 5, my mom had a bad sick. She has to be sent to IJN (Institut Jantung Negara) for a treatment and stayed in ward for about a month. My brother and I will take turn to look after and stay with her at there. Throughout that moment, whenever I was at home, I was alone. My father left my family when I was 18 years old. Then my mom passed away last year.

If you ask me when was the last time I have dinner or a meal with my family, I can hardly answer to this simple question also. Sometime looking at my friends around me, whenever they said “I got dinner with my parents” or “I am going vacation with my family”, and looking at myself back, I felt so pathetic of myself. I used to be very happy and hyper-excited whenever there is a break in my studies. Thinking of going back home and rest under the care of my mom was something very comfortable. She will tidy up my room, clean up the house and filled up the fridge with a lot of foods (in case I am hungry when she is at work). Being welcome home and long awaited by your mother to be back is such a wonderful feeling. But now, whenever comes the semester break, I lost the sense of excitement. My mom was no longer there to wait for me at home. Whenever my brother went to work, is all me being alone again. There is no difference anymore between my home and my place at hostel. Either of it, I can’t run away from loneliness. My mom used to be the one I always depend on whenever problem occurred. But without her by my side anymore, I can only find peace in myself when I was alone.

Sometime it really irritates me when someone calls me a social outcast for my tendency being alone. I do not blame you, if you are someone that roughly knew me but what makes me sad the most is when the “someone” is my friend that knew my family background. Is not that I want to be lonely or exhibit the loner characteristics in me but I just being myself. I just want to do what I felt comfortable at. Is just like, for some people, they can’t drive while wearing shoes. Is not that they are weird but is just the nature of them of finding comfort of doing something. I still hang out and making jokes around. Is just that sometime when come to certain activities that I am not into it, I just prefer to go back and relax. Try to ask me for football game and see, did I ever being a loner in it? Well, just because I prefer to do something I want or respond to something that I do not like, does it makes me a social outcast? If yeah, how about you come to have a little taste of my life and tell me how you felt? I am not angry or what, but I just expect a little more of understanding. I often heard from people around me telling me how lonely they and expecting something more. Seriously I do not know what to say when come to this. All I can say is, be grateful on what you had. There are others also having the same problem and misery as you do. The only difference is that, for some they choose to face with more optimist approach.

While I pondering on this matter, I came across a question, why sometime God allow loneliness to happen in my life? I used to constantly find reasons to blame on someone even God, on things that happen in my life. I am angry why He allowed sadness and loneliness in my life. But come to think about it, because of all these things that are happened, is how I get to know Jesus Christ and draw closer to Him. God allows loneliness to happen because sometime God want us to remember Him. He also wants us to know that, He is there always by our side no matter where we are. He offers us a chance to share with Him our miseries and problems through loneliness. Be frankly, how many of us will remember and think of God whenever we are having happily joyful moment? Of coz God does not want us to remain in the state of loneliness. He wants us to do fellowship and socializing with others. Is just, that He just wants to take a small fraction of our time to allow His words and present to inspire us.

The words of God are the reason why I am still strong to live on with my life. I know I can’t escape from sadness and loneliness. So instead of finding a reason to blame on, why don’t I take this moment to listen to His words and let His words motivate on me. I once went to a sermon given by Pastor Kong Hee in Kota Kinabalu. He said this “Do not focus on the problem itself but focus and remember the promises of God”, which I find it very true. The promises of God are the solution to all the problems.

The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you”, Jesus said. John 14:18

“Surely I am with you always to the very end of the age”, Jesus said. Matthew 28:20

Know The History ..........

I receive these pictures through a forward mail. The first time I saw all these pictures, I was doubted with the truth of this event. After some minority of searching works, I found that this event really occurred some place in Melaka back to 2008.

I was really angry when I first look at all these pictures. Everyone tries to live in harmony but yet there are still a bunch of people out there who want to mess up the whole situation and putting insults on others. For a moment, I was so self-perspective and started to have all this anger inside of me. From anger, the hatred came along.

I knew I was not suppose to have anger or hatred. So I settled down myself and put things into new perspective. Do not hate your enemies but love them. With this few words, my whole perspective and mind was changed. Well, if I hate them and put anger on them, what makes me so different from them? Does it makes me wiser? I laughed at myself for a moment and put things back to normal. Anger no longer in me. Hatred flee from me.

For me the whole event now is just an act of comedy. Well certain people try to get certain attention but they choose to express in the-not-so correct way. This not a racial sedition or anything to do with any politics. They are just confuse about the historical matters. Is just simple as that.

1) From one of the banner, it clearly stated "Mana orang Cina dan India semasa menentang Malayan Union". I can't help myself and laugh. I just answered to myself, "Orang Cina dan India masa itu tengah bekerja. Mereka perlu bekerja keras untuk menyara keluarga. Negara ini telah menerima mereka, jadi mereka hanya dapat membalasnya dengan memberikan produktiviti kerja yang lebih tinggi". Lol. Malayan Union was an idea from the Birtish Colony as a new form of administration for this country. This idea was greatly oppose by the Malays due to many reasons. One of the main reason is that the Monarchy of Malay Rulers are destroyed except in the religious matter. However there are few things I ponder in my mind;

• Looking back to the histroy, who actually invites the Birtish into this country? What or who that gave the opportunity to the Birtish to step into the administration of the country that time?

• During the British administration in this country, most of the people who work for government are who?

• The Malayan Union was unsuccessful and the authority of the Monarchy of Malay Rulers remained. But why political chaos in the country and states, as such in Perak still happen? "A great power comes a great a responsibility?"

2) As far as I know, "Melayu" is a race and Islam is a religion. In our country we are well aware that the Islam is not allow to eat pork or to consume any non-Halal foods. I took one of this subject called Hubungan Etnik in my first year of my university's studies. The lecturer explained that throughout most of the area in South East Asia, people origin from Sumatera, Borneo, and Jawa are also known as "Rumpun Melayu". But not all of them are Islam. So if the event in the pictures voice out on behalf of their own race, the issue of pork should not be an issue because some of the people origin from the "Rumpun Melayu" are not Islam. But if the event in the pictures are voicing out behalf on the religion Islam, there are Chinese in this country who are also Islam? So if the race is the concern, why insult on your own "brothers and sisters" who shares the same originality? If religion is the concern, why insult on your own spiritual "brothers and sisters"?

So now we see that these people are just confuse and not clear about the history. I strongly would not suggest them to be arrested under ISA. Instead, send them back to secondary school to get some education on History.

aw-ESOM-e Worship & Awesome God

This is my life's testimony on how God has revealed Himself to me again. The date was 14th November 2009. This wonderful spiritual reveal took place at Emmanuel Church, Kota Kinabalu during the Sunday Worship Service.

During the Thursday of that week, I was attending the Emmanuel School Of Ministry(ESOM). ESOM is one of the activity organized by Emmanuel Church to the students to learn more about God and making discipleship. Well maybe for next post I will share a little more about this ESOM with you guys out there. Coming back to that Thursday, the lesson of the day was about Thanksgiving, Praise Worship and Warfare. The speaker, Brother Sean share with us about the power of worship. This lesson taught me that Worship indeed is a very powerful "weapon" against our enemies. The words of God in 2 Chronicles 20: 14-29 potrayed the miraculous victory gained through worshipping God. If we look at Isaiah 42: 10-13, is a promise that God will come and conquer the enemies as we worship.

Then, there is this Sister Mary(if I not mistaken the name...Lol) came out and shared about her experience. She said this: "The moment when you do not have the mood to worship God is a great sacrifice to God". At the first I don't quite get what she meant, but after she shared further I started to understand. What I undertsood is that, when someone is really down or doesn't feel like doing it, yet he or she still worship God is one of the thing that pleases God. Perhaps this is the best time to praise and worship the God because God will look at the sacrifice been made by us. This is what amazing of our God: He takes the best out of the worst from us. I have to tell you this, during that night everyone turn to be a great worshipper to God. The whole church was full of praises and thanksgiving to God. Is like you standing in the presence and glory of the Father Lord.

So the night ended. I went to continue my night life. Lol , went to watch 2012 and overnight at friend's house. Then wake up early in the morning to settle some matters. Is a long story to tell but overall, I never really rest well during Friday and Saturday night. During each night of these two days I found and listened to this wonderful song named Awesome God by United Live. Is the first time I really listen and enjoy this song. Then I find myself have some trouble with the song lyrics but I was never really care. Here it comes the Sunday morning. I was so lazy to wake up. I was so lazy to take my bath and prepare to go to church. I even think to skip the Sunday service. Really felt like a burden during that time. However I still manage to negotiate myself to go. Then the van is late due to some problem. Well it frustrated me more as I am going to church.

By the time I reach the church, the service almost started. The worship leader already started with some prayers but yet I still not in the mood. I guess during that time all I was thinking is about what to do after service. So I settle myself down and join in the prayers. After a few minutes of prayers, the first song started to play. Out of sudden I was spiritually alive back and the first song was the Awesome God song. Wow. I left myself with no words but praises to God. Is like He knew what I am up to and use it to cheer me up back. That time I felt myself like so want to sing all out with all the strength all I have. Is like you want to be a football fan cheering victory when his team score the winning goal in a final game. Perhaps the feeling is more than that but I only able express in words to this far. Hallelujah God.

If I have to put this in a learning process, Thursday was like the lecture session and Sunday was the practical or lab session to practice what I what I have learnt. You see my friend, when you are really down and lost your spiritual passion, be strong and ask for the strength and empowerment from God. Let God know that though you are really down but you still want to worship Him because you want to make Him feel good. God feels good and loves to see His beloved children come together to worship and praise Him. Instead of giving up to our self-reluctant feeling, turn yourself to God for motivation. As we sing and worship God, it will strengthen our faith because of the words we sing declare the glory and promises of God.
No doubt Satan will always try to pull us down from worshiping God. Satan will try every possible ways to keep us weak. This is actually what I encountered during the Sunday morning. But as I worship, Satan is defeated. Now I really see the wonders of worship. It can serves as our spiritual strength, God's enjoyment and weapon to defeat Satan.



Awesome God

Our God is an Awesome God,
He reigns from Heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
Our God is an Awesome God.

Kaunselor Bukan Canselor

Pernahkah anda mendengar berita yang menyatakan kalau seseorang meletakkan kenderaannya di ruang tempat kereta orang lain dan dibuang negara? Ataupun anda ke pejabat bekerja, anda meletakkan kenderaan anda di tempat orang lain dan akhirnya anda dibuang kerja. Tapi hakikatnya pada pagi ini saya disampaikan khabar tentang satu kejadian yang mempunya similasi dengan situasi yang saya nyatakan di atas.

Pada Sabtu malam, kawan saya meletakkan van gereja di salah satu tempat meletak kenderaan di kolej kediamannya. Keesokan harinya, kawan saya mendapati sebuah kereta kepunyaan salah seorang FELO kolej kediamannya telah diletakkan di belakang van gereja dan menghalang van tersebut daripada bergerak keluar. Sedikit latar belakang kejadian. FELO merupakan "Pekerja" atau pensyarah universiti yang tinggal di dalam kolej kediaman pelajar. Kononnya mereka merupakan orang-orang yang ditugaskan oleh pihak universiti untuk menjaga keselamatan dan kebajikan pelajar d kolej kediaman. Setiap seorang FELO mempunyai tempat meletak kenderaan masing-masing, jadi isu kekurangan ruang meletak kenderaan tidak pernah terjadi kepada mereka. Mengikut keterangan kawan saya, van gereja itu diletakkan di ruang yang disediakan untuk pihak pengetua kolej kediaman. Dia berbuat demikian kerana tiada tempat meletak kenderaan lagi yang kosong dan sudah agak lewat pada malam tersebut. FELO yang meletakkan keretanya menghalang van gereja pula dikenali Cik M (bukan pengetua). Cik M merupakan seorang "pekerja" univsersiti yang bertugas sebagai kaunselor di bahagian Hal ehwal Pelajar.

Van gereja itu mempunyai pelekat kenderaan pelajar universiti. Ini bermakna van ini telah mendapat kebenaran daripada pihak unit Keselamatan dan Kenderaan universiti. Ruang yang digunakan van itu pula merupakan ruang untuk pengetua kolej kediaman dan beliau tidak mempunyai sebarang masalah dengan perkara ini kerana beliau jarang meletakkan kenderaannya di kolej kediaman. Pada malam Sabtu tersebut, selepas kawan saya selesai menghantar pulang rakan-rakan gerejanya, jam sudah menunjukkan pukul 11 malam dan dia merupakan seorang gadis.

Pada keesokan harinya iaitu Ahad pagi, dia perlu menggunakan van tersebut untuk membawa pelajar-pelajar universiti ke gereja. Semasa dia mendapati van tersebut dihalang kenderaan Cik M, dia dengan segera pergi mencari Cik M untuk meminta maaf kepadanya dan meminta agar kenderaannya digerakkan supaya van gereja dapat keluar. Mula-mula, Cik M enggan keluar. Selapas menunggu hampir setengah jam, Cik M akhirnya keluar berdepan dengan kawan saya. Dia mula dengan mempersoal kawan saya dengan beberapa soalan. Sepanjang sesi soal jawab dan teguran tersebut, kawan saya hanya dapat melayannya dengan senyuman dan ucapan minta maaf. Berikut adalah petikan beberapa soalan yang saya anggap agak lucu:-

Soalan Cik M: Tahukah kamu, pelajar-pelajar universiti tidak boleh memiliki kenderaan dan meletakkan kenderaannya di kolej kediaman?
Pendapat saya: Kalau tidak boleh mengapa semua tempat meletak kenderaan boleh penuh? Kalau tidak boleh, mengapa pihak Unit Keselamatan dan Kenderaan boleh meluluskan pemohonan pelekat kenderaan? Soalan telah ini menujukkan di manakah tahap pemikiran seseorang yang bergelar kaunselor di peringkat universiti. Ini juga menujukkan kelemahan dalam penyelarasan tahap pengurusan di dalam universiti.

Soalan Cik M: Kalau dah mampu memiliki kenderaan mengapa masih bergantung pada tempat tinggal di kolej kediaman?
Pendapat saya: Ya tak ia juga, kalau dah mampu mempunyai kenderaan patutlah mampu tinggal di luar kampus dan sewa rumah sendiri. Cik M saya sarankan soalan ini ditujukan kepada anda sendiri dan semua pekerja universiti yang tinggal di dalam kolej kediaman dan memiliki kenderaan. Lagipun, pemberian kolej kediaman adalah berasaskan pencapaian kurikulum dan ko-kurikulum seseorang pelajar dan bukannya latar belakang. Pelajar pun tahu, tapi seorang kaunselor universiti tidak tahu.

Soalan Cik M: Kamu tahukah, kamu boleh dibuang universiti atas perkara ini?
Pendapat saya: Inilah bahagian yang paling lucu. DIBUANG UNIVERSITI KERANA MELETAKKAN KENDERAAN DI RUANG ORANG LAIN !!!! Cuba bayangkan anda membaca tajuk berita ini di akhbar. Cik M patut pergi ujibakat Raja Lawak Astro di 1Borneo pada Ahad hari itu. Nak ugut atau gertak pun biarlah berasas. Ini ugut jadi macam lawak pula. Sedarlah sikit, kamu ini kaunselor bukannya Canselor.

Kalaulah semua perkara ingin diikuti prosedur dan peraturannya tanpa budi bicara, pihak pengurusan sendirilah yang patut diteliti dahulu. Saya pernah nampak FELO tertentu yang menghisap rokok di kawasan universiti, menunggang motorsikal di kawasan universiti tanpa memakai topi keledar dan makan dan minum di pejabat kerja. Tapi apakah tindakan pihak universiti terhadap mereka? Di kejadian ini, bukannya soal salah siapa atau salah apa yang menjadi isu. Isu keselamatan seseorang pelajar universiti yang menjadi tanda tanya. Adakah kegagalan pihak pengurusan menyediakan tempat meletak kenderaan patut dirisikokan terhadap keselamatan seorang pelajar gadis? Tak payahlah semua kempen-kempen keselamatan dianjurkan kalaulah pihak universiti sendiri tidak meletakkan isu keselamatan sebagai keutamaan.

Sebagai satu komuniti universiti yang terdiri daripada pelbagai agama, kita haruslah saling memahami. Cik M patut tahu, yang pada Ahad pagi, masyarakat Kristian akan pergi ke gereja. Kalau anda memang ikhlas hendak memberi nasihat dan teguran janganlah sampai menyusahkan seorang pelajar daripada menjalankan tanggungjawabnya terhadap agamanya. Sebarang sesi teguran dan nasihat bolehlah dilakukan selepas itu. Dimanakah konsep 1Malaysia yang sering dilaungkan pihak universiti? Bagaimanakah konsep 1Malaysia dapat dicapai kalaulah tiada persefahaman di dalam universiti?

Sebagai seorang kaunselor, anda sendiri juga pernah menjadi seorang pelajar universiti. Anda seharusnya lebih memahami dan berfikir daripada perspektif pelajar. Hanya kerana anda pernah menghadapi kesusahan, tak bermakna generasi akan datang perlu mengalaminya juga. Jelas daripada kejadian di atas FELO ini hanya ingin menyusahkan pelajar. Anda telah diberi tempat meletak kenderaan sendiri tetapi masih ingin menyusahkan orang. Nak menegakkan keadilan kononnya. Kuasa itu diberi untuk menjaga kebajikan orang ramai dan bukannya untuk membuli. Tolong ingat, kebajikan kami pelajarlah yang menjadi ukuran pencapaian anda.

Kepada kawan saya, janganlah bimbang atas perkara ini. Kalaulah anda dibuang kolej kediaman atau dibuang universiti atas perkara ini, jelas menunjukkan Universiti Malaysia Sabah merupakan universiti yang be-krompomi dengan penyalahgunaan kuasa. Biarlah orang ramai yang menyaksikan bagaimana universiti yang dilaungkan oleh kerajaan sebagai tempat pembangunan modal insan ini melayan pelajarnya.